Oscar party Crashed!!

Wow.

What the hell happened last night?

I was watching the Oscars with a friend of mine and as Jack Nicholson stepped up to announce the Best Picture winner, I turned to her and said, "Can you imagine if Brokeback Mountain didn't win? I'd crap my pants."

Needless to say, seconds later, I had vacated my bowels.

Unbelievable. That one was a shocker, not only because Brokeback was so heavily favoured going in, but because it beat Crash for the tell-tale Director award as well.

Let's sum up:

Crash
- Picture
- Film Editing
- Original Screenplay

Brokeback
- Director
- Score
- Adapted Screenplay

Now I'm a guy who usually likes it when they spread the wealth. See, just because a movie is the picture of the year, doesn't mean it had the best cinematography or sound editing. So when movies like Titanic (burn in hell you piece of crap) win a record number of awards, I think it's a sad day.

That being said, you should be able to compare a few of the categories to find out which movie was swingin' the big meat. Crash won Best Picture despite only having one actor nominated (Matt Dillon for Best Supporting) compared to Brokeback's three. The two went head-to-head for Director, and Brokeback won. And if you figure that original and adapted screenplay cancel each other out, then I gotta believe Director and Score are much bigger factors in determining the value of a movie than Film Editing.

And yet Crash won Best Picture.

Seriously, for a second there, I thought Jack was kidding. He clearly couldn't believe it himself.

Now I guess I'll have to actually rent both flicks to give my own opinion on who should have won.

Oh, and just one other note: despite the fact that I like the wealth being spread so that the awards actually go to the best in each category, I find it mildly disturbing that we see more and more flicks winning Best Picture despite getting shut out of the acting categories. If Crash is an ensemble piece, shouldn't it have had a bunch of Supporting nominations?

Biggest shock ending to an Oscars I've seen in a long time.

Other Oscar notes:

- Jon Stewart did a fine job (killer opening), but a) I don't think he has the energy for that kind of show, b) he's way too smart for that show.

- What was with the old folks? Robert Altman looked like he'd forgotten his meds and I thought Lauren Bacall was gonna bolt. Cringe.

- The only thing that I find interesting about the red carpet is seeing actors you won't see later in the broadcast. Otherwise, that whole thing is beyond ridiculous. Shallow, shallow, shallow. And who the fuck is Isaac Mizrahi? I think that's the dope I saw asking Eric Bana how long it took him to do his hair! Can we get some real interviewers please? How about asking an actor about the movie they were in instead of "who" they're wearing? And don't get me started on the eTalk version. Sad, sad, sad. The only thing worse than watching shallow red carpet douchebags is watching someone aspiring to be a shallow red carpet douchebag. The whole thing was only tolerable with the volume off.

- Speaking of wardrobe, what was Naomi Watts wearing? Mummy chic?

- Were those really the three best songs of the year? Yikes. Well, at least the low number (thanks to new eligibility rules) kept the show short. Used to be that the songs were the highlight of the telecast. Now I just find them annoying. Like Jon Stewart said, "Three 6 Mafia : 1, Martin Scorsese: 0"


"I think I speak for all Jews when I say I can't wait to see what happens to us next."
- Jon Stewart to Steven Spielberg re: Munich and Schindler's List