Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Spider-Man 3 ...out of 10.

There's so much suckage I don't really know where to start.

How about the very beginning? From the very first line I knew we were in trouble. "I'm Peter Parker. Your friendly neighbourhood...you know."


This movie was REALLY poorly written.

If there is any truth to the recent story claiming there are more Spidey sequels to come, I have one suggestion: Sam Raimi must go.

The two major problems with this movie were the writing and direction. Guess who?

Sure, it didn't help that some of the acting was sub-standard, but the actors can really only work with what they're given and they were given a pile of shite.

I won't spoil anything for those who haven't seen it (judging by the box office, I'm not sure who hasn't), so I'll break it down succinctly:

- The Venom storyline stank. I knew it'd be impossible for them to do the plot justice. I was right.

- I didn't like Gwen at first, but she grew on me. Maybe because I liked Bryce Dallas Howard in The Village, too.

- Topher Grace was...Topher Grace. Does he have any other characters in his arsenal? Apparently not. I like the guy, but when your range is that limited, two things happen: a) you wear thin quick b) you don't do some characters justice. As Eddie Brock he was tolerable. As Venom he was ridiculous.

- Sandman.... I didn't mind Thomas Haden Church, despite the unusual casting. He was probably the best actor in the cast. But the Sandman character drove me nuts. He exhibited powers that I don't believe are part of the comic book version. As a result, some of the fight sequences seemed, for lack of a better word, unbelievable.

- Goblin. I think they mishandled this character from the start. I'm not quite sure that what I saw in this movie was the Goblin. More like Rocket Racer.

I could go on and on ripping the actual plot apart, but I'm afraid I've already pissed off KA enough. Seems she actually liked the movie. Freak.

Don't get me wrong. It wasn't ALL bad.

...I gave it 3, didn't I?


Karmic-Angel said...

Alright Phil, we can just disagree on this, 'cause I LOVED IT! As you know, having sat beside me and my happiness for the entire movie.... LOVED IT!!!! Hate MJ, but LOVED IT!!!!

PS said...

And I still think YOU'RE A FREAK!!!


PS said...


(Don't say I didn't warn you! Only read if you've seen it!)


Eddie Brock: Topher Grace as Topher Grace. And why did he grow fangs? It makes sense as part of the costume, but why did he still have them when the mask retracted?

Venom: almost an afterthought once he joined Eddie. Wasted.

Sandman: why would he team up with Venom to "kill the spider"? Especially considering his "bad luck" excuses? And what was his motivation for the end battle? And since when can Sandman grow into a super giant? And if he can ride the wind (?!) then wouldn't he be forced to follow that wind wherever it went? (maybe not such a great idea amongst the downtown buildings) I liked Church though. But woulda been better more fleshed out.

MJ: sucked. Were we SUPPOSED to care?

Gwen: grew on me. At first she was a genius ditz (huh?), but by the jazz club scene I actually kinda liked her.

Capt. Stacy: set up for future movies, I guess. Kinda wasted in this.

THE FUCKING BUTLER: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! I think they threw him in to give Harry the motivation to switch at the end. But SOOOOO forced and obvious and stupid. "I cleaned his wound" Ugh.

The Goblin: Double ugh. WTF? Speed Racer anyone? LAME! Woulda been way cooler to see him in a Goblin/Hobgoblin outfit fighting side-by-side with Spidey. And if he has time to jump in front of a blade he has time to kick the guy in the head instead.

ALL THE CRYING!: 'Nuff said. (I think they forgot the appeal of Spidey is his wit and humour - not his cry-babiness!)

'Nuff said: lamest Stan Lee appearance ever.

The blatant American flag appearance: lame. Cheese.

Oh - and if Spidey gets hit by a bus HE DIES. The guy isn't indistructable, so what was with all the getting-thrown-into-solid-objects crap?



Karmic Angel said...

yes i am, and yet, still adorable and funny... its a funny package of crazy that Karmic Angel....

D.C. said...

Hahahahaha! Y'know, from these comments, I'm almost glad I *didn't* go see the movie with you two last night :S ...

having never seen the previous two, I get the sense this movie was no big loss ....