Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Venting My Frustrations - a la Friends

So I'm killing time again, visiting various websites and blogs, including a couple that are covering the CTF/Shaw situation. I'm refraining from commenting 'cause, well, I'd like to keep my job and there's nothing like speaking out of turn to get fired. But it's killing me to see the amount of misinformation out there, being spread by folks who ought to know better.

Just to set the record straight for those who might be confused: The CTF does not choose which shows get money/get produced. The CTF splits $x amongst the various Canadian broadcasters via "envelopes" and they decide which shows see the money. The CTF does not judge the quality of the shows per se. As long as they meet Cancon requirements, they get the money the broadcaster wants them to get. Also, the broadcaster (read: CBC) does not get the money directly - the money is given to independent producers who have license agreements with those broadcasters. But ratings do count - the greater the audience, the more money a broadcaster's envelope is likely to get the following year, so it's in the broadcaster's best interests to devote CTF money to "successful" shows. But the CTF does not judge the quality of potential projects. If you want to argue whether or not the Canadian TV industry ought to be supported by a fund like the CTF, knock yourself out (I have some pretty strong opinions myself) but can we at least use facts instead of made up bullshit? Thanks.

So, in order to purge myself of this frustration, I need to focus on something completely superfluous for a while. Here goes:

I popped by Karmic Angel's blog the other day and she had a post singing the praises of Stephen King's new comic book series "The Dark Tower" - based on the novels of the same name. She was so impressed, that she has added Stephen King to her "list" - that being a list a la Friends. For those who don't recall or didn't watch the show (yes, it was actually a really good show once) Ross and Rachel came up with a rule: each of them could have a "freebie list" of 5 celebrities they could sleep with without their significant other getting upset.

Sure, it's completely ridiculous (my girlfriend sleeps with Brad Pitt and I'm gonna get upset - I don't care how much I liked Fight Club) but I need a distraction. Beautiful women are good for that.

This is an interesting dilemma - who goes on the list? As Ross found out, selection (and timing) is crucial. While some may have been sure-fire selections in the past, you have to keep the list current (I mean Raquel Welch is on the all-time list,; so some women come and go from the list. Some women remove themselves from the list (Britney, I'm looking in your direction...). What about probability? If this were a real list, would you choose the stars that you know live in your city (you dog!) or go only for your die-hard choices no matter how slim the odds of an encounter? Hmm...

So, here's my list...I think:

1. Dana Delaney
I've taken some flak over the years for this one, but she's still on my list. Back before all the tv movies, back before *sigh* Exit To Eden, back before China Beach even, Dana Delaney appeared on a two-part episode of Magnum, P.I. one of my favourite shows of all time (I wanted to be Magnum - I still threaten to name my unborn son Thomas Magnum Sullivan). Smart, beautiful,'s been puppy love ever since. Hell, I dated a girl who looked like her. I mean, she was great on her own, but the resemblance didn't hurt!

2. Monica Bellucci
Have you seen Malena yet? Come on, I told you to. You'll understand.

3. Brooke Burke
Before Rockstar, she was the Victoria Secrets model.

4. Ali Landry
Remember the Doritos Girl?

5. Laura HarringShe of Mulholland Drive and a bunch of crappy stuff. Hmm...I dated a girl who kinda looked like her, too...I'm sensing a pattern...

Alternates: (a.k.a. my "Isabellas")
Shania Twain
Kelly Monaco
Anne Hathaway
Beyonce Knowles
Mariah Carey
Catherine-Zeta Jones
Bridget Moynahan
Salma Hayek
Kimberly Page

...Yup, I feel better. Hell, I can't even remember where I work anymore...

Chandler: Well, we have a deal where we each get to pick five different celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can't get mad.
Ross: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship: Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.

Rachel: Alright, let me see. Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurely, Michelle Pfieffer, and... Dorothy Hammill?
Ross: Hey, it's my list.
Rachel: Okay, honey, you do realize she only spins like that on ice.

1 comment:

Karmic-Angel said...

First of all my friend, you obviously have a preference for brunettes, which I of course totally understand, but I really really hope your lovely girlfriend is not a blonde.
Secondly, these are some good choices. Hell, I think Salma Hayek deserves to be on MY list!