Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Oprah Winfrey: Sexpert?!

First of all: happy 2007 everybody. Did you all have a good time? Great. Now let's get back to some bitching, shall we?

So I'm hanging out with a friend of mine the other day and we're flipping through the channels on the ol' boob tube. One unfortunate channel happened to be showing the Oprah "look at me, I'm the voice of god, I'll give you a car if you bow before me" Winfrey Show (honestly, what kind of ego do you have to have to crash weddings with a camera crew and expect to be welcome? And btw, she doesn't give away cars, the car company donates them for promotion - she just takes the credit). I noticed Jay Leno and a couple of other guys I didn't recognize were sitting on some panel. I fought my instincts and stayed on the channel for more than a split second. I figured out that this was supposed to be an honest conversation about men.

Amongst the topics being discussed were:

- Why do men watch porn?
- Why do men love golf?
- Why do men cheat?
- What do men think about after sex?

Ok, ladies, listen carefully: if you want to know the answers to these mysteries, find yourself a man you trust (don't laugh) like a boyfriend, brother, friend etc. and ask him. Do not, under any circumstances, listen to what you hear on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

If you have no such honest man in your life, come back here and ask me: I'll give it to you straight.

Oprah is all about political correctness and frowning on anything that may seem blunt or crass.

There's nothing politically correct about the answers to these questions, ladies.

Is Jay Leno really going to give an honest answer about sex and porn with Queen Oprah sitting there, judging him?

I was praying for Sue Johanson to make a surprise appearance. I'd pay to watch that episode! Let's see Oprah try to shame her!


Anonymous said...

Have I told you lately that you rock Phil?
as to answers to the questions, are we realy that stupid to not figgure it out on our own? Ok I am being a b...! but hey
1. becouse they can get off
2. becouse there are no women bitching around
3.becouse they can't imagine spending eternity with " only one woman" variety is what most of them all want!
4. God make her go away now so I can go to sleep now!
Hope I didn't offend anyone, was married for along time, just simple truth, that most of us don't ever want to admit to:)

char said...

Whoa, anonymous! Sounds like your marriage sucked balls! Or didn't, as the case may be. Whatever pops your corn, baby!

I'd like to answer these questions on MY man's behalf, if I may, as his answers are really the only ones that matter to me.

1. Why does my man watch porn? To give me pointers. And believe me, I'm a VERY eager student.

2. Why does my man love golf? Well technically, my man loves WII golf, not regular golf, but it's still a legitimate question. Answer: because it's fun and makes him feel like a jock without having to actually play a sport.

No, real golf is not a sport. No, it isn't. No, it ISN'T.

3. Why does my man cheat? Because he knows if HE doesn't eat all the chocolate, I will.

4. What does my man think about after sex?

Star Wars.

I'd love to see Sue Johanson and Oprah Winfrey in a cage match to the death. I believe Sue would win. She's SO cool.

Anonymous said...

Yeah now that I read the comment again it does sound quite bitter
*sigh* the marriege totally sucked, but it's over now:)Now I have to do new research:) Thanks for the pointers on "good men"

PS said...

Hey "Anonymous",

Dont beat yourself up - you weren't THAT far off. But I won't go into that here. :P

And keep the "you rock"s coming! Ego-stroking is another necessity for males.

Oh, and "Why do men go to strip joints" was another topic. None of the men, of course, couldn't remember the last time they'd been to one.

Char, you live a blessed life, I swear.

Anonymous said...

Hey I was right on! Wish I wasn't.
Ego stroking-aha got that!
Oh I got tons of guys friends that I asked about the last one
*good drinks:)
*why you wana come too?
*my girfriend can't do that!
*Are you any good at that stuff?
was some of the answers:)
As to me I could care less, always wanted to go to a nice strip joint with my "man" but somehow that makes men nervous;(