Long Live the King!

So apparently there's some new study out that claims it has discovered certain "predictors" that can tell if a man will lead a long life.

"Nine factors were good predictors of which middle-aged men would live healthily into their 80s and beyond, concluded a 40-year study of nearly 6,000 Japanese-American men living in Hawaii."

(Asian men living in paradise? Don't they ALL live beyond 80?)

1. Not being/becoming overweight: No worries there. I have a crazy metabolism.

2. Having low blood pressure: According to that Shoppers Drug Mart doohickey, I'm soaring in this category.

3. Low blood sugar levels: I wouldn't really know, but since I tend to avoid sweets in general, I'm gonna assume I'm doing alright here.

4. Low levels of bad cholesterol: Hm...don't know about this one. This may be my first real blip. I like fries.

5. Not drinking alcohol excessively: Define "excessively". I'm Irish.

6. Not smoking: Have only smoked for stage, so I'm ok. This is also my number one turn-off in women, so seond-hand smoke isn't too much of a concern either.

7. Having a strong grip: Can't say I'm known for my strong grip, but I plan to work out. How's that?

8. Achieving a high level of education: Well, I did go to university twice, so that can't hurt.

9. Being married: Hmmm...Kinda out of my control for the most part, I figure. I'll do what I can, though.

So by my calculations, I've got to be at least 6/9. If I manage to get some girl drunk enough, I may even be 7/9 some day.

If I hit the gym and stop eating fries, hell, I'm gonna live forever!

Just gotta stay away from those falling pianos...